WARNING: YOU WILL GET ADDICTED TO THIS STUFF.
(sorry this is so long)
I’m not even kidding, this is the best food I’ve ever had. Once you’ve had a bite, you become addicted. I honestly believe that if you know someone with a little drug problem/dependency, just make them eat this and they will be off of the drugs and hooked on this. It’s literally heaven in a slice of bread. And a heart attack. But just focus on the heaven part.
I thought because I’m so thoughtful that I would share this recipe with the tumblrworld. I got this recipe from another site, just in case you guys were wondering who this “husband” is.
Small detail: You need to have an Amish friend give you the starter (basically the batter). So if you don’t have one, you should go make one. I swear, it’s worth it.
Day one: This is the day you receive your starter. Do nothing.
Day two: Mush the bag.
Day three: Mush the bag.
Day four: Mush the bag.
Day five: Add one cup each of flour, sugar, milk. Mush the bag.
Day six: Mush the bag. Begin to wonder if all this stuff festering on your counter is really hygienic.
Day seven: Mush the bag.
Day eight: Forget to Mush the Bag until bedtime. Mush the bag.
Day nine: Mush the bag.
Day ten: Put starter in a non-metal bowl. Add 1 1/2 cup each of flour, sugar, milk. Mix with non-metal spoon. Wonder if it really affects the bread or if the non-metal requirement is just an Amish thing. Put one cup of starter into each of four plastic bags. To the remaining batter add three eggs, 1 cup oil, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1 cup sugar, 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 2 cups flour, 1 large or 2 small vanilla pudding mixes. Wonder how the Amish can’t ride in cars but can use JELL-O instant pudding mix. Grease 2 loaf pans and dust with cinnamon and sugar. Divide batter evenly between loaf pans, top with more cinnamon and sugar, and bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour. Enjoy eating almost an entire loaf of the addicting stuff as soon as it comes out of the oven. Wonder who to give starters to, seeing as all your friends were present at the same time you were handed your bag. Opt to send starters to work with husband.
Day 11: Start cycle of mushing bag again.
Day 15: Add 1 cup each of flour, sugar, and milk. Really start to think about how long this thing has been festering.
Day 20: Bake more bread. Start to really resent bags of starter all over your counter. Wonder if you really want to get to know the neighbors well enough to curse them with Amish friendship bread. Opt to throw out starter, but feel guilty about wasting all that flour, sugar, milk and its delicious outcome.
Day 25: Mush bag.
Day 30: Bake more bread. Husband now has a crack-like addiction to the stuff. Resent friend who gave you the starter in the first place. Decide whether or not to throw out additional starters, but feel guilty again about wasting flour, sugar, and milk that could be feeding the Hungry-with-a-capital-H. You don’t because you’re kind of addicted to that stuff too now (and of course b/c of the children). Start to hate the friends who gave it to you and yourself for becoming so addicted to it.
Day 31: Decide that the Amish really know nothing of friendship and they just wanted you to become fat.
While looking up this recipe, I came upon an uber amount of comments about it. Most of them gave amazingly fantastic reviews. I think this one sums it them all up the best:
“best.recipe.ever.
That stuff is better than crack. It’s better than a crack-and-peanut-butter sandwich with a side of cocaine snorted off a high-priced prostitute’s gigantic, fake tittie.”
Now you can’t say the Amish haven’t done anything for you (besides changing your
BTW: You are supposed to share the recipe/starter with three friends, hence the name “Amish Friendship Bread”. If you want, you can google recipes for the starter but I wouldn’t really trust a lot of the sites. Then again, I’m not Amish and I have no clue what the hell is or what the hell isn’t in the starter.
Enjoy.
PS: No need to thank me.
